Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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