need another drink. this is the easiest way
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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