I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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