Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
