just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
