just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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