I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
