Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
It's just like the Real World with babies
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
