I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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