Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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