Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
