he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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