So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
