she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
