my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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