I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i drank out of a bidet.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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