we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
