He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
