I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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