I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
