I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
