I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
