dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
