last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
