After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
