I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
