Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
