somebody snuck up and got me drunk
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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