After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
