they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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