we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
