I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
