Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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