guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
