You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
