the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
