He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
