Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
