forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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