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Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
