I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
