I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
