No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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