I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
