Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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