What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
