btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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