I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
