"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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