I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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