Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize