So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
