Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
only you would photoshop your dick
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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