Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
