I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
