I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
