Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize