Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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