i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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