Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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