chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
