the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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