Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
