am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
