The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
